


Everything Has Changed

by overthemoony



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Lie Low At Lupin's, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-22
Updated: 2018-11-22
Packaged: 2019-08-27 18:23:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16707673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/overthemoony/pseuds/overthemoony
Summary: “Lie low at Lupin's for a while, I will contact you there."People can change an incredible amount during 13 years, and Remus & Sirius are no exception. It's the first night of Sirius staying at Remus' place, and they both are feeling incredibly lost and confused around each other.





	Everything Has Changed

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is inspired by the song "Everything Has Changed," by Taylor Swift.

_~ All I know is a simple name, everything has changed ~_

Remus turned over in his bed for what felt like the millionth time - and that might not have been an exaggeration.

The reason for his unrest was currently sleeping in the room next to him. Sirius had come to stay with Remus for a while, per Dumbledore's orders. Remus realized that this new Sirius was not the same boy that he grew up with at Hogwarts - this boy was now a man, who had been forced to suffer 12 and a half years in Azkaban for a crime he didn't commit. Those years forced Sirius to "grow up," in a way that nobody should: Azkaban can make you think that there is no hope in the world, no reason to live, and that you would be so much better off in death.

Remus knew that he had changed too, but you don't really tend to notice that changes within yourself. Ever since October 31st, 1981, Remus had been forced to live in a world where two of his best friends had been killed, and his closest friend had been responsible for those deaths. This led Remus to lose all hope in the world - if the person who you had thought would be loyal to you forever ends up betraying you, who can actually be trusted?

Of course, the majority of these beliefs that Remus had held had been shattered by the fact of Peter being alive. But, the changes that these murders and betrayals had left a permanent mark on Remus' soul.

The moment Sirius had stepped foot inside Remus' flat, a wave of realization had crashed on Remus. This wasn't the Sirius that Remus had grown up with, had bickered with, had teased, and had fallen in love with. How should he talk to this new Sirius?

Sirius had seemingly thought the same thing about Remus. He could tell that Sirius was anxious and unsure around him, which were traits that Remus had rarely seen in their Hogwarts years. Throughout the day, they had done a sort of dance around each other, neither knowing how to truly approach the other. Sure, they talked, but everything was forced - it was like a large, invisible wall had been built between them, and neither of them knew how to get around it.

The thing was, Remus did want to help Sirius. There was nothing he wanted more than to be able to truly understand Sirius' pain, to comfort him, to help him get through whatever he was feeling. But, even though Remus could see that Sirius was hurting immensely, Sirius was choosing not to show any of his hurt to Remus.

How could he help Sirius? What could he do to reach Sirius?

Remus' thoughts were interrupted by the sound of a strangled cry from the room next to him. Without a moment's hesitation, Remus ran out of his room and into Sirius' room, with his wand raised. Who would _dare_ come to Remus' place, to hurt _his Padfoot-_

It took Remus a few moments, but he soon realized that there wasn't an intruder in his house, and that Sirius wasn't in immediate danger. Instead, it seemed that Sirius was suffering from a nightmare. His chest was covered in a layer of sweat, and his hair looked as if he had been thrashing his head back and forth. Sirius had tears streaming down his face, something that Remus had almost never seen.

Remus lowered his wand, and quietly walked over to Sirius. While Sirius might not appreciate Remus just barging into his room and waking him up, even if he was in misery from a nightmare, that meant nothing to Remus. Remus bent down to eye level next to Sirius, and gently placed his hand on Sirius' shoulder.

"Sirius, wake up. It's just a nightmare, you're ok, you're not in Azkaban-" at the mention of the wizarding prison, Sirius had shot up, grabbed his wand, and pointed it straight at Remus' heart. Remus could see the look of almost insanity in Sirius' eyes, as he slowly regained his sense of location.

"Mo- Remus? What are you doing in here?"

"You were having a nightmare. I'll leave now, I'm sorry for coming in here, I probably should have considered the fact that you wouldn't want me in here before I barged in." Remus turned around to leave, his mind befuddled with emotion, and had almost reached the door when he felt a hand shoot out and grab his wrist.

"Remus, please, please, _please_ don't go. I don't want you to leave me, now or ever. I don't know how to tell you everything that I'm feeling, or even a fraction of it, but I still want you to know that I do still care about you. I know that we're both completely different people than we were all those years ago, but I still love you _._ Even if I don't know how to express all the things that are going on inside my mind, I still want to be with you. I still need you."

Remus stared at Sirius, his mind working to process everything that Sirius had just said. He didn't him to go, he cares about Remus, he loves Remus, he needs Remus.

Sirius _needs_ Remus.

The next thing Remus knew, he was kissing Sirius. It was a kiss filled with want, hurt, passion, grief, need, and love. Sirius' teeth gently grazed against Remus' lip, as they tried to communicate years of not being together; years of them both craving this embrace and thinking the other one wouldn't want it, and that they themselves shouldn't still need it.

Remus pulled back after a minute or two. As his own golden, freckled eyes stared into the grey, misty abyss of Sirius' eyes, Remus realized that there was still a part of Sirius that was the same - the same aspect of him that Remus had fallen in love with all those years ago.

"Padfoot, I can't ever lose you again. Shit, I can't even describe how hollow my life is without you-"

"I know. I've missed you every single day and night that I've had to be apart from you." Remus tilted his head down so that it was leaning on Sirius’ head, and the two of them stayed like that for some amount of time - it could have been seconds, minutes, hours, or days. Neither of them understood the concept of time when they were feeling the way that they were.

"You've missed me every day you've been apart from me, or my body?" Remus' eyes sparkled with humor in a way that they hadn't in a very long time.

"Shut up, you wanker. Of course the only thing about you I missed was your body, how could it be any other way?" Remus chuckled, but then his laughter was cut short by another searing kiss.

There may have been a lot of aspects of this Sirius that Remus didn't know or understand yet, but he was more than willing to learn those parts.

_~ I just want to know you better, know you better, know you better now ~_

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so, so much for reading! If you liked this, I would really appreciate if you left a comment and/or a kudos :)


End file.
